IcePrinCesS' Ramblings

If men were like buses, how do you catch one?

this was forwarded to me..worth the read..

====
A more important question is - how do you catch the RIGHT one?

Simple : You take only the bus that's headed the RIGHT direction.

First we must allow our Heavenly Father to do the picking. And second, the
decision for a mate must be made on a spiritual and intellectual basis
before it's made on an emotional one.

What about love?, you ask. I'll tell you why. "The heart is deceitful
above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? (Jer 17:9).
The heart is willful and is driven by its own agenda. It does not consider
things rationally and intelligently - it just loves to love! Therefore you
have to point it in the right directions: "Above all else, guard your
heart, for it is the wellspring of life" (Proverbs 4:23).

Whenever you meet a man, you need to get clearance from God, check out his
attributes, and then allow your heart to engage.

Dating exists not for mating; it exists for collecting data. I believe that
the biblical design would be friendship, courtship and then marriage.
Friendship is two people walking together in agreement and accountability,
learning and growing together. Courtship follows the mutual agreement to
commit to one another exclusively - it is the decisive turning toward the
agreed-upon goal of the marriage altar. It is a period of laying a
foundation and preparing your life together after marriage. But dating?
Well, if you do date, use the time wisely to gather facts.

So when you do gather facts, let us compare the process to clothes
shopping.

1. Check out the fabric. Is the person mate material? Does this man have an
intimate relationship with the Father through Jesus Christ? Does he care
what God thinks about his behavior? Is he accountable to God as well as
another colaborer in the faith? Accountability is an important factor.
It is imperative to maintaining a committed relationship.

Is your potential spouse a member of the same family - the family of God?
Scripture is clear on this : "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers.
For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship
can light have with darkness?" (2 Cor 6:14).

You need to have common interest and values and agree on the essentials of
living day to day. You have a similar spiritual walk. You eat the same
diet. You enjoy a lot of similar things. You have like interests, like
goals in life, like opinions on basic life issues. You have had like
experiences in your background. Though there is some truth to the idiom
that opposites attract, like-minded folks fare better together.

Furthermore, does he want to get married? If you want to be married and
your dreamboat isn't interested, don't waste your time.
Remember, women fall in love and get married. Men decide to get married and
then look for a wife. Note the difference in order. So if a guy says he's
not looking for anything serious, take his words seriously. If he's not
going your direction, get off the bus & wait for the right one.

2. Does this man want you? Is he pursuing you? The man who is right for you
will pursue you and God's hand in the relationship will be clear. No
guessing, no fleeces, no dead ends. Scripture says: "He who finds a wife
finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord"( Prov 18:22). Note -
who finds whom? THE MAN FINDS THE WIFE. From the beginning of time, God has
transported men & women across the world in order to put them together. At
the RIGHT TIME, He will bring that man on the scene and he will find you.

In God's perfect design, the main is the one who recognizes his mate. Adam
has no problem recognizing that Eve was his missing rib. You do not need to
strategically place yourself anywhere. You don't have to help a guy out
because he's shy. Men will do whatever they have to do to get what they
truly want.

The man in your life should recognize you as the pearl of great price in
his life and be willing to do whatever he must in order to gain your hand.
If he is passive about gaining your affections, take it as a sign that he
is not interested. Many a woman's mother has suggested that it is a good
ideas to marry a man who loves you more than you love him. As cold as that
sounds, it actually might be scriptural if you stop to think about it :
"We love him because he first loved us" (1 Jn 4:19).

Until then, take the ultimate chill pill. You don't need a bunch of men in
your life to make you feel all right about yourself. You need only one man-
your man, the one God has selected to select you. And trust me, the right
man at the wrong time can be just as awful as the wrong man at any time. So
trust God's timing in this. He is the ultimate matchmaker. Relax, sit
pretty and allow yourself to be found. ( this line truly made me smile. ;-)
}

Again - WAIT until the man voices his intentions. He should take the lead
in establishing the relationship. You may have an inkling that he is the
one, but God will use the man to set the tone of the relationship. Allow
him the opportunity to woo you - this is your first act of submission.
Jesus set the standard for all men to follow. They should love us first.
And they should lead the relationship.

3. The man in your life should not desire to move into your house, only
into your heart. A man who prepares for your future has made his intentions
clear. A man who is husband material has the means to take care of a wife.
He is a responsible human being who understands he needs to have something
to offer. In short, a man should have the means to be a suitable mate for
you.

4. Check out his buddies. Everyone knows birds of the a feather flock
together, yet most women fail to see the connection between a man and his
friends. A man's pals tell you a lot about the person that you haven't seen
yet. They reveal things about the guy's character that might be hidden when
he is on good behavior. Everyone knows how to put his best foot forward.
Don't stay focused on the foot, check out the rest of the body!

5. Check out his relationship with his mother. How does he treat her? This
is your preview of how he will treat you. There are lots of men who,
because of a negative relationship with their mothers, really don't like
women, yet say they do. Unresolved issues between mother and son continue
between husband and wife.
6. Remember that a man's family reveals the cloth from which he's cut. Take
note and decide whether you want your future with the man in your life to
look like his present family situation.

7. Check out the patterns of his life. Do you see repeated cycles of drama
in his personal kingdom? broken relationships? problems in making
commitments? including the job market? mood swings? Is a problem always
someone else's fault? Does he embrace responsibility or shirk it? Does he
keep his promises? Is he a man of good reputation?

Remember all garments look wonderful hanging in the store, but with wear,
some being to unravel. Give yourself time and space to check out the man in
your life. Time will always reveal whether or not he is made of the right
stuff.

8. Does this man have a vision for his life? Is running with that vision?
Remember, God decided Adam needed help once Adam got busy DOING his
assignment. As we saw Adam, a man doesn't need help until he is busy doing
what he was created and called to do.

Is your guy guided by a sense of destiny and purpose, or does he just
allow life to happen around him? A man who is not certain of his mission
can be a most miserable persons - and you'll be miserable too if you know
where YOU want to go in life. A woman whose mission statement is clear does
not intimidate a man who has vision. He will be your best ally,
cheerleader and assistant because he wants you both to make it! A man who
cannot be supportive of your achievements because he is floundering in a
sea of uncertainty over his own life is not a healthy partner to have and
to hold forever. Creating dependencies or feelings of obligation is not the
way to get the best out of your man. Somewhere along the way, he will
resent you and flee from the smothering burden of obligation he associates
you with.

You want a man who is firmly anchored in his identity in Christ. Remember,
we are looking for a man who will be priest and leader of his home. His
first instinct should be to want to cover you, redeem you, and provide for
you. Your job is to decide if this is the man God has ordained for you to
complement.

9. Complementarily. Do your talents and gifts complement his? Do his gifts
complement yours? What about your temperaments? Do you see the two of you
as an effective team capable of bringing blessing to the lives of those
around you? Do your futures mesh? Can you coordinate your gifts in an
attractive and effective way?

This is why knowing your purpose is so important. Make sure your hearts
beat for mutual causes.

When I go shopping I always consider the fabric, the fit and what I already
have in my closet. Will my next purchase be a complementary addition to
what I already have? If I find that I am going to have to buy shoes and
matching accessories to go with a new outfit, I leave it right on the rack.
It is too expensive a proposition.

If the man you meet makes you feel that you need to completely reinvent
yourself, something is wrong. This is where I ask you to consider the
relationship in terms of cost. Is this relationship expensive spiritually,
emotional or physically? Does your longing for a mate make you willing to
forfeit that you are in the process? Or does he see you as the gift that
you are?

The man in your life should consider you a rare find, a priceless jewel -
because of you he is getting ready to get blessed big-time! Any
relationship that causes you to feel unworthy, unlovely, unacceptable,
undesirable or that you have to work for love, is too expensive!

God has called the man to cover, protect and provide not only materially
for a woman, but emotionally and spiritually as well. You should be richer
in mind, body and spirit for your union with the man of your dreams. The
man in your life should make rich deposits into your heart and spirit, not
withdrawals.

10. Does he have a healthy love & acceptance of himself? Make sure the man
in your life has taken time to heal from past relationships and has made
peace with himself. How he cares for himself is how he will care for you.

A man's relationship with God is crucial here. His love for himself will
only be as strong as his love for God. This is not something that you can
impart. You cannot be his savior or teacher. That is out of spiritual
order. In his rightful place as your personal priest, he should be leading
you to a richer relationship with Christ. If he is causing you to
compromise your faith and destabilize your walk, if he is leading you into
sexual sin or causing you to be distracted from your commitment to Christ,
the relationship is too expensive. Offending the Lover of your soul, who
promises you eternal love, is too high a fare to pay for a ride that has a
limited run.

If you and your man can't soar in the Spirit, when the force of your love
for another is tested by the pull or gravity of the world, your union will
not be able to survive.


So you decide. How much is your life worth? How much is your love worth?
You will be able to accept only what you believe you deserve. God himself
calculated the worth of your love and decided it was worth His life. He now
pledges you His love for eternity. Yes, Jesus sets the example for all
others to follow when He paid a ransom for His bride. Should you expect
less from a mortal man?

Throughout the biblical age, men were willing to pay the cost for the hand
that they desired. The truth of the matter is, everyone knows that anything
worth having, costs. And no one gets a ride in this life for free.

posted by iCePriNceSs @ 9:07 AM